Roots by the River

God tells husbands to love their wives. How are we to do that, and what does that love look like? Love Her as Your Neighbor “Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself”’” (Matt. 22:37-39). “Yourself” is someone you already greatly love, and therefore is a good standard for how to love someone else. For a start, calculate how much time you spend thinking about yourself on an average day. Second, list all the things you do for yourself, including bathing, eating, sleeping, and studying. Third, admit that these things are expressions of love for yourself. Fourth, admit that you do not love your neighbor (even your best friend) this much. Fifth, admit that that is a violation of God’s command and needs His forgiveness. Turn to Him for forgiveness. This will not make you loving, but it will make you clean . From that posi...

One of the good things I learned as an officer in the U.S. Navy was that authority and responsibility must go together in equal proportions. A person with authority but no responsibility will exercise that authority arbitrarily. He will order people around with no objective other than establishing his own power. Conversely, a person with responsibility for a task but no authority to help him accomplish it will only be frustrated. Before I apply this concept to Christian husbands, I want to discuss and hopefully dissolve a common misconception. Because the Scripture tells wives, children, and servants to obey, some Christians have inferred that it is the job of husbands, fathers, and masters to command . This is an inference only and is, therefore, invalid. The Bible contains no direct teaching nor implication that husbands, fathers, and masters are to be commanders. The Bible does not teach a chain of command. It teaches a chain of obedience and submission . The Bible teaches that s...

“ But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves , lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:1-5). A young woman told me once that she loved herself and that was a good thing. She did not like it for the Bible to have it listed as a bad thing. How can we tell it is a bad thing? The other words in the list from 2 Timothy are characteristics of loving yourself. They are subsets of loving yourself. Let’s look at them. Lovers of money – loving yourself Boastful – loving yourself Proud – loving yourself Abusive – certainly not loving your neighbor as yourself Disobedient to parents – loving ...

In his first letter to Timothy, Paul tells him to flee and pursue . In his second letter, he says the same: flee and pursue. Let’s take a look at these letters: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness” (1 Tim. 6:10-11). “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22). It is very simple: we are to run away from love of and eagerness for money and the evil desires of youth. We are to run after righteousness, godliness, faith, endurance, love, gentleness, and peace. In both cases, fleeing and pursuing , we are running in the same direction. This post coordinates with today's reading in the To the Word! Bible Reading Challenge . If you are not...

Men and women are made different in order to complement each other, not to offend each other. We are attracted by the differences between us, and yet we don’t understand the differences. Singing in harmony is harder to do than singing in unison, but it is beautiful. What often happens is spouses give up and try to sing in unison—usually by the man making the woman bend to him. A woman wants a sexual relationship where her partner is tender and gentle. The man is looking for a sexual partner who is as instantaneously responsive as he is. This is where homosexual relationships come from; they have abandoned all attempts at successful harmony. God made us different because He wants us to be complementary , not identical. When we find a difference, instead of griping about it, say, “I am the complement to that difference.” God made these differences, and He wants them to be there. He wants that harmony. He is in the business of enabling real men and real women to work together and liv...

Another difference between men and women is the view of the relationship itself. Man was not created for woman, but woman for man (1 Cor. 11:9). The husband’s attitude toward the wife is not the same as her attitude toward him, and it cannot and should not be. She was created for him. Her focus is on him. He was not created for her. The man’s focus is on the goal, and the woman comes in to aid him in that. She is not the focus; she is a support and helper for the focus. Courtship is done on the woman’s terms, where everything is relationship-centered. The man’s goal is to establish a marriage relationship with her, so for the time being their focuses are aligned. Then they get married, and the husband gets on with his life. Now he doesn’t want to sit and talk to her all the time. Courtship is an unreal world; we can’t live like that forever. That’s why romance novels are so popular; women are trying to live all of life in the courtship stage. Men are not built to be that way forever...