When I am estranged or separated from the Lord in fellowship, the last thing I want to hear is sound judgment. I will barricade myself against it. But since I cannot barricade against sound judgment with sound judgment, I must do it with pretexts—shallow, weak things which deceive only me. It is my attempt to stay estranged. If the searchlight of sound judgment breaks into my hideout, I find myself confessing, forsaking, and no longer estranged but restored to the Lord.
During my estrangement, I take no pleasure in understanding, but I am very eager to express my opinion. After I am back in fellowship, I am amazed at how stupid I was with my opinions. How I regret my big mouth. Truly it is foolish.
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Written January 1986.