Roots by the River

Besides the wonderful security of having the seal of the Holy Spirit in our lives, there is a security that comes from good relationships in our homes. The major source of security in the home outside the Holy Spirit has been assigned by God to the husband/father. He is the one around whom the home revolves. The wife looks to him, and the children look to him. He is the rock in the home. He is the source of strength and stability. He provides wisdom, decisions, and financial and emotional security.

Early in his life, a boy should be taught and required to respect and love and be considerate of his mother and his sisters (both older and younger). As he approaches puberty, he should be taught about the female population outside his family. Respect and consideration should again be stressed. Because we are commanded to love our neighbors, he should be taught to love. This is not a command to express affection and love to girls. He should also be taught to respect, be polite to, and not cut down girls. They will be grateful for the former and hurt if he fails in the latter. They may respond with counter-cuts, which makes them less feminine. Boys should be taught not to touch a girl in any way that would cause physical harm or in any way that would cause her to respond sexually to them, or in any way that would hurt her emotionally. Masculinity does not have to be proved with muscles, sexual prowess, bragging, etc. True masculinity is established by taking the responsibility tha...

Before they get to have authority, men should be under authority. If they have a difficult the submitting to authority, they become petty tyrants when they, in turn, find themselves in positions of authority. Authority and responsibility go together. If a man has great responsibility but does not have commensurate authority, he is unable to carry out his responsibility. If he has authority but no responsibility, he ends up giving orders when there is nothing to do. Again, he is a petty tyrant. God built the need for respect into the human race. All men need it as they are growing up. If they do not get it, they ask for it by bragging and boasting. If they do not have anything to brag about, they invent something. They lie and brag. Both sexes need two things given to them from infancy: love and respect. They need these from both sexes. However, as they grow older, a girl needs love more than she needs respect (although she still needs both), and a boy needs respect more than h...

1. Become a Christian. If you need help with this, ask a Christian friend or write, call, or email Community Christian Ministries. You can also request a copy of the gospel of John and the booklet Jesus Said, “Follow Me” from me. If you are already a Christian, confess all known sin to God. Visit the CCM website for a free download of my talk, “Confession of Sin.” 2. Repair your relationship with your parents (Mal. 4:6). See “Relationships with Parents” in How to Be Free from Bitterness . 3. Desire responsibility. "Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task" (1 Tim. 3:1). 4. Humble yourself before God. "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time" (1 Pet. 5:6). 5. Follow the example of godly men. 6. Read the biographies of godly men such as Hudson Taylor, George Mueller, James Fraser, R.G. LeTourneau, George Whitfield, and R.C. Chapman. 7. “Flee the evil desires of yout...

Assuming you think that God had a good idea in His creation and assignments to men and women, here are a few ways to prepare yourself and your children to be the right kind of husband and father. The automatic change is a man’s conversion, his salvation. The Bible describes this event in strong terms. Here are a few of them: • He has been crucified with Christ (Rom. 6:6, Col. 2:20). • He has risen with Christ (Col. 3:1). • He is dead to sin (Rom. 6:2). • He has put off the old man (Col. 3:9). • He has put on the new man (Col. 3:10). This conversion determines the necessity and the possibility of all subsequent requirements (see Romans 8:3-4). Because these things are true of all believers, it is normal for a Christian man to be responsible.

• Pass the buck. “The man said, ‘The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.’” (Genesis 3:12). • I did not wake up in time. • He disobeyed me, so I lost my temper. • My wife is not loveable. • She does not respect me. • I need time alone. • I needed that extra Harley Davidson (or shotgun or fishing rod or video game). • I told her I loved her when we got married. Didn’t she believe me? • The boss is too hard. • The boss doesn’t know his job. All these excuses are based on one of two things: • Your own selfishness • Blaming your actions (or lack of action) on the other guy This is a partial list. It could easily be much longer. Your response may be, “Let’s be real,” or, “A man would have to be godly to be responsible.” Men who make the second objection should not get married. Does that mean I want him to have irresponsible sex instead of responsible sex? No. A man is not allowed to be immoral just because he does not get married.

What are the characteristics of the responsible man? • He receives orders and commands without complaining or arguing (Philippians 2:14). • He stretches and grows into a job he has to do. It does not break him. • He is not defensive when he is accused, whether the accusation is true or false. • He does not pass the buck; he does not blame others above, alongside, or below him. • He is not short-tempered. • He assumes the burden of supporting his family. Whether by work or by faith, the burden is his. "If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5:8). • He teaches his children to be responsible. • He provides a secure environment for his wife and children. He will not scold his wife. He certainly will not beat her. He will nourish and cherish her. He will nourish and admonish his children. • He protects his family from all kinds of evil: physical, spiritual,...

While they were listening to this, he went on to tell them a parable, because he was near Jerusalem and the people thought that the kingdom of God was going to appear at once. He said: “A man of noble birth went to a distant country to have himself appointed king and then to return. So he called ten of his servants and gave them ten minas. ‘Put this money to work,’ he said, ‘until I come back.’ “But his subjects hated him and sent a delegation after him to say, ‘We don’t want this man to be our king.’ “He was made king, however, and returned home. Then he sent for the servants to whom he had given the money, in order to find out what they had gained with it. “The first one came and said, ‘Sir, your mina has earned ten more.’ “‘Well done, my good servant!’ his master replied. ‘Because you have been trustworthy in a very small matter, take charge of ten cities.’ “The second came and said, ‘Sir, your mina has earned five more.’ “His master answered, ‘You take charge of five c...

Here is a good video presentation of my confession of sin graph done by Dr. Mike Lawyer:

To the male of the species God has given responsibilities that fit the fruit of the Spirit more than the works of the flesh. Responsibility comes with the territory. The first territory was earth, and the first man and woman got that responsibility. So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so. (Genesis 1:27-30) It may be that the husband had t...

God built a need for respect into the male of the human race. All men need this respect as they are growing up. God made men incomplete, so He made women to be their helpers. This incompleteness is apparent in men’s need for respect. That is why God requires women to respect their husbands. Men want to have authority and respect. Is this wrong? No, not in itself. But responsibility comes with authority, and many men have abdicated this responsibility. Authority without responsibility makes men tyrants. If they pass the responsibility to their wives but do not delegate the corresponding authority to them, those wives cannot carry out the responsibility, and the husband will not. Many of the Christian men I know today (as opposed to fifty years ago) come from families with irresponsible fathers and grandfathers. If they coast (even though they are now Christians), it will be downhill. They will imitate their fathers. They will be irresponsible to their wives and children, and maybe w...

Today, irresponsibility is no longer recognized as failure. Men and women think it is normal, even a birthright. Men may still want the authority that comes with it, but they do not want the responsibility itself. That compounds the problem. There are two humanist views of masculinity circulating today: • Muscular, dominant, boastful, sexual prowess, professional performance. One famous athlete said that he had had 24,000 women. Krishna, a fictitious Hindu deity, was supposed to have had tens of thousands of wives and to have committed adultery with 1,000 other men’s wives without the men knowing it. This is the kind of “masculinity” you find in dirty talk and novels for men. • Thoughtful, kind, tender, irresponsible until he meets a good woman who straightens him out in marriage. This view is found in romantic novels written by women for women. God made men with testosterone and estrogen. The natural man lives by pleasant sensations that God has given as a means, and he makes the...

There are non-Christian men who are responsible husbands and fathers. There are Christian men who are not responsible. Whatever the initial reasons for this irresponsibility in Christian men are, it should not, must not, continue. Here are a few possible reasons: • They grew up in broken homes. • They grew up with fathers who were irresponsible. • The men they know at their jobs, in their communities, and as relatives are poor examples and teachers. If a man becomes a Christian out of this kind of background, there is one automatic change and several required changes.

You may argue with or misunderstand the point of this article (that men were designed and commanded to bear responsibility) because your experience was different. It may seem wrong to you because: • The present culture says otherwise. • Your mother provided the stability in your home. • Your mother was dominant, but not stable. • Your father was not self-disciplined, and therefore over-disciplined the children. • Your father was dominant, but irresponsible. • Many other combinations. What are the signs of an irresponsible man? The primary evidence is selfishness or self-centeredness. All of the characteristics listed below are subsets of this selfishness. There are many signs of irresponsibility in the male of the species. Unfortunately, this includes many Christian men, or at least men who think they are Christians. In general, men want the privileges of being male without the corresponding responsibility. What are these privileges? Sexual gratification: • Marriage • F...

Dead and Alive: Obedience and the New Man is now in print. You can purchase it on the CCM website . There is a 15% discount for orders through December 1; enter code OBEDIENCE at checkout to get the discount. This book was written primarily to help new Christians anticipate an obedient, victorious life in Christ. It was also written to encourage defeated Christians who think defeat is normal. "Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him." (Rom. 6:8) "For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God." (Col. 3:3) This is the key. Christ’s death and resurrection go together. Because of them, we who have trusted in Jesus have received forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in Him. Is there something more than “forgiveness” and “a place among the sanctified”? There is. This book is about that “something more,” which is the third result of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and our fa...

This is the first post in a series on responsibility. Men were designed, created, and commanded to bear responsibility. So what happened? It all started with our first parents. They were given responsibility and commensurate authority. This assignment was removed and then reduced after they failed their first responsibility. Adam was given responsibility. He not only failed the responsibility; he blamed his wife and God for his failure (Genesis 3:12). Adam was not a responsible husband. Noah got drunk and lay naked in his tent. His youngest son saw him and told his older brothers. When Noah awoke from his drunkenness, he cursed his youngest son’s youngest son. Getting drunk and cursing someone not responsible was not being a responsible father or grandfather (Genesis 9:20-27). To save his own life, Abram had his wife lie for him and let the king of Egypt take her. He was not a responsible husband (Genesis 12:12-16). He did it again with Abimelech (Genesis: 20:2). Abram listen...

A few biblical expressions about the Father: John 3:35: The Father loves the Son and has given all things into His hand. John 6:32: My Father gives you the true bread from heaven. John 14:6: I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father but through me. John 10:15: Even as the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I lay down my life for the sheep. John 16:3: These things they will do because they have not known the Father or me. John 16:23: Truly, truly, I say to you, if you ask the Father for anything in my name, he will give it to you. John 17:5: Now, Father, glorify me together with yourself, with the glory which I had with you before the world was. John 10:30: I and the Father are one. The “Father” is mentioned 105 times in the gospel of John. This is in addition to the word “God,” which occurs about 90 times in the gospel of John. Matthew 6:8: Our Father who is in heaven… Ephesians 3:14: For this reason I bow my knees before the Father ...

This is a follow-up to my last post on meditation; it is written by Roy Knecht. "No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead he puts it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out in to the open. Therefore consider carefully how you listen. Whoever has will be given more; whoever does not have, even what he thinks he has will be taken from him." (Luke 8:16-18) This teaching of Jesus comes on the heels of the well-known parable of the sower and the seed. After the parable, the Lord’s disciples did not understand its meaning. They approached Jesus and asked him for an explanation. Jesus replied that there are four ways of hearing the Word of God: three bad and one good. The one good hearer is set apart by 1) his noble and good heart, 2) his ability to retain what he heard from God, and 3) his response to what he he...

“I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:11). There is a kind of Bible study that goes beyond reading, Bible memory, group Bible study, Old Testament references in their context, and subject studies. Meditation is more mystical and practical. That may sound like a contradiction. Let me tell you what meditation is not. It is not looking for some deeper, hidden meaning. It is not numerology or looking for a codified arrangement of the text. And it is not saying that the plain meaning of the text that we got from our previous reading and studying is not the correct meaning. We probably got the right meaning, and we can repeat it back. We know the text! What, then, is this kind of Bible study? It does not have to do with our understanding; it has to do with where we understand it. Do we understand it in our heads, or do we understand it in our hearts? Most study results in head knowledge. In other words, if we were given a practical lab exa...