Forgiving Others: Do I Wait Until They Ask?

This question comes up often: "I have read (repeatedly) your book on bitterness and I know that bitterness may result from unforgiveness. I know that even if someone sins against me and is not repentant, I should forgive so I do not become bitter. But doesn’t Luke 17 indicate that our forgiving the other person is dependent on their repentance?"

Let's look at the text. Luke 17:3-4: "So watch yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day and seven times comes back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Luke 17 tells you to forgive him. It does not teach that your forgiveness is dependent on his repentance. If it was, the text would read, “Don’t forgive him until he repents.” In Matthew 18, Jesus tells Peter to forgive the one who sins against him 77 times. "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times'" (Matt. 18:21-22). There is no mention of this person repenting.

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