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When Is It OK to Take Offense?

 


I received this question from a reader of How to Be Free from Bitterness. It may apply to some of you as well.

"Generally speaking, should we continuously place ourselves in the company of those who repeatedly offend us?"

This question involves at least two issues. They have to do with the kind of person you are.

1.      Do you take offense easily, even when someone has no intent to offend?

2.      Do you not take offense easily, even when someone wants to offend?

If you are the first, the solution lies with you, not with the offender. The best way to keep from being hurt is to stay vulnerable, like a pillow. Do not try to build a fence around yourself. That is the way to get hurt more. That is the way to become hard-hearted and cynical. A fence (or wall) is a means of resistance, which means there will be a collision, which means hurt.

If you avoid the temptation to take offense by staying away from people who repeatedly offend you, it may mean staying away from Christians, your church, and relatives. Running away from a moral temptation, like Joseph did, is the right action. Running away from the saints, your husband, your wife, and your children is not.

Jesus did not put up a fence. He made Himself vulnerable. Read 1 Peter 2:21-3:7 and Colossians 3:13.

To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed. (1 Peter 2:21-24)

 

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

There are so many brothers in so many churches who do not forgive those they have taken offense from. The better way is to ask God for grace to not get offended and for grace to love the offender.

I have known many situations where people decided to forgive the one who had offended them, but it did not happen. The forgiver has difficulty forgiving even though he wants to and chooses to. Why is this?

One reason is that when we are offended, it is easy for us to see the other person’s sin. It never occurs to us that taking offense is as great a sin as giving it—perhaps even greater. Giving offense can happen through ignorance with no malice at all. Giving offense is sometimes a sin, but taking offense always is. Confess and repent of it to restore you to the joy of the Lord. After your joy is restored, then you can forgive your brother from the heart.

Taking offense has become a cottage industry in our culture. In every city and every church there are people who are professionals at taking offense. They have convinced themselves and many others that being offended is a virtue. The more I am offended, the godlier I am. In their view, those who give offense are the ones in sin. The result is people apologizing and explaining that they really did not mean it to the offended person. The offended one rarely forgives.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. (Matthew 18:35)


For more on this subject, read How to Be Free from Bitterness. I also recommend John Bevere’s book The Bait of Satan: Living Free From the Deadly Trap of Offense.

 


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