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When to Forgive Someone

When God forgives, there is a transmission of grace to the person who needs forgiving. When is this forgiveness extended?

God is the prime mover in all things. When Jesus died on the cross he paid for sins and sinners who were not yet born and certainly not yet repentant. Grace and forgiveness were extended then. If not then, then certainly when a person is called which is still before his repentance and faith. Forgiveness is extended as a means or a cause of repentance. It is part of preaching Christ. “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ” (Rom. 10:17). This forgiveness is not received until there is repentance.

• Acts 26:17-18: "I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me."
• Luke 24:46-47: "He told them, 'This is what is written: The Christ will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance and forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.'"
• Luke 13:3-5" "I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish. Or those eighteen who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them - do you think they were more guilty than all the others living in Jerusalem? I tell you, no! But unless you repent, you too will all perish."
• Luke 5:20-26: "When Jesus saw their faith, he said, 'Friend, your sins are forgiven.' The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, 'Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?' Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, 'Why are you thinking these things in your hearts? Which is easier: to say, "Your sins are forgiven," or to say, "Get up and walk"? But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins....' He said to the paralyzed man, 'I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.' Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, 'We have seen remarkable things today.'"

For the unbeliever, if there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness and no salvation. For the Christian, if there is no forgiveness from us, there is no forgiveness for us. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matt. 18:32-35).

Because God is both “ready to forgive” (Psalm 86:5) and forgiving, there may not be really any real difference between them. What makes it different is when we apply the “ready to forgive” as a doctrine to man. If we withhold forgiveness from someone because we think he is not repentant, we are really withholding forgiveness from ourselves.

When I forgive someone, it does not help him at all, because only God can cleanse a man’s heart by forgiveness. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). When I forgive him, nothing happens to him. It only happens to me.

“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors... For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (Matt. 6:12, 14). For the believer, if there is no forgiveness from the heart, there is no forgiveness to him. If I am really ready to forgive as God is, then I am already forgiving, and my heart is clean.

However, if I hold it as a doctrine, then by deliberately withholding forgiveness I may have put myself into a position of not being ready to forgive. I spend my time waiting and watching for his repentance and judging whether he is really repentant, and consequently I hurt myself.

Yes, we should take Luke 17:3-4 more literally than Mr. Whitney says. He says “we should be willing to forgive the repentant believer no matter how often he sincerely repents.” Mr. Whitney added “willing” and “sincerely” to Jesus' statement. We, then, are to be willing only if we see him as sincerely repentant. Anyone who has been repeatedly sinned against in one day (after each of which the perpetrator says, “I repent”) is going to suspect that that person is not “sincerely” repentant. We are to forgive because he says, “I repent”. We are not to judge the sincerity of the repentance. We are to forgive from the heart. If I do not, I am in big trouble with God.

In Matthew 18:21-22, "Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’" There is no indication of repentance in this passage. It is endless forgiveness. You may call this being “ready to forgive,” but Jesus does not use that expression. It is not being "ready" to forgive. It is forgiving. It is already having forgiven. It is not waiting for repentance.

In Luke 5:20-26, Jesus forgave the man who was brought to Him to be healed. He later healed him. That man did not come to repent. It was the bearer’s faith, not the man’s faith, that Jesus recognized.

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