This is an excerpt from How I Know God Answers Prayer by Rosalind Goforth, a missionary to China in the early 1900s. It is a book I have given away many times over the years.
I grieve to say that the new life in a foreign land with its trying climate, provoking servants, and altogether irritating conditions, seemed to have developed rather than subdued my natural disposition.
One day (I can never forget it), as I sat inside the house by a paper window at dusk, two Chinese Christian women sat down on the other side. They began talking about me, and (wrongly, no doubt) I listened. One said, “Yes, she is a hard worker, a zealous preacher, and—yes, she dearly loves us; but, oh, what a temper she has! If she would only live more as she preaches!”
Then followed a full and true delineation of my life and character. So true indeed was it, as to crush out all sense of annoyance and leave me humbled to the dust. I saw then how useless, how worse than useless, was it for me to come to China to preach Christ and not live Christ. But how could I live Christ? I knew some (including my dear husband) who had a peace and a power—yes, and a something I could not define—that I had not: and often I longed to know the secret.
Was it possible, with such a nature as mine, even to become patient and gentle?
Was it possible that I could ever really stop worrying?
Could I, in a word, ever hope to be able to live Christ as well as preach Him?
I knew I loved Christ; and again and again I had proved my willingness to give up all for His sake. But I knew, too, that one hot flash of tempter with the Chinese or with the children before the Chinese, would largely undo weeks, perhaps months, of self-sacrificing service.
The years that followed led often through the furnace. The Lord knew that nothing but fire could destroy the dross and subdue my stubborn will. Those years may be summed up on one line: “Fighting (not finding), following, keeping, struggling.” Yes, and failing! Sometimes in the depths of despair over these failures; then going on determined to do my best—and what a poor best it was!
In the year 1905, and later, as I witnessed the wonderful way the Lord was leading my husband and saw the Holy Spirit’s power in his life and message, I came to seek very definitely for the fullness of the Holy Spirit. It was a time of deep heart-searching. The heinousness of sin was revealed as never before. Many, many things had to be set right toward mand and God. I learned then what “paying the price” meant. Those were times of wonderful mountaintop experiences, and I came to honor the Holy Spirit and seek His power for the overcoming of sin in a new way. But Christ still remained, as before, distant, afar off, and I longed increasingly to know—to find Him. Although I had much more power over besetting sins, yet there were times of great darkness and defeat.
It was during one of these latter times that we were forced to return to Canada, in June 1916. My husband’s health prevented him from public speaking, and it seemed that this duty for us both was to fall on me. But I dreaded facing the home church without spiritual uplift—a fresh vision for myself. The Lord saw this heart hunger, and in His own glorious way He fulfilled literally the promise, “He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness” (Ps. 107:9).
A spiritual conference was to be held the latter part of June at Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, and to this I was led. One day I went to the meeting rather against my inclination, for it was so lovely under the trees by the beautiful lake. The speaker was a stranger to me, but from almost the first his message gripped me—“Victory over Sin!” why, this was what I had fought for, had hungered for, all my life! Was it possible?
The speaker went on to describe very simply an ordinary Christian life experience—sometimes on the mountaintop, with visions of God; then again would come the sagging and dimming of vision, coldness, discouragement, and perhaps definite disobedience, and a time of downgrade experience. Then perhaps a sorrow, or even some special mercy would bring the wanderer back to his Lord.
The speaker asked for all those who felt this to be a picture of their experience to raise the hand. I was sitting in the front seat, and shame only kept me from raising my hand at once. But I did so want to get all God had for me, and I determined to be true; and after a struggle I raised my hand. Wondering if others were like myself, I ventured to glance back and saw many hands were raised, though the audience was composed almost entirely of Christian workers, ministers, and missionaries.
The leader went on to say that life which he had described was not the life God planned or wished for His children. He described the higher life of peace, rest in the Lord, of power and freedom from struggle, worry, care. As I listened I could scarcely believe it could be true, yet my whole soul was moved so that it was with the greatest difficulty I could control my emotion. I saw then, though dimly, that I was nearing the goal for which I had been aiming all my life.
Early the next morning…I went over carefully and prayerfully all the passages on the victorious life that were given in a little leaflet [The Life That Wins]. What a comfort and strength it was to see how clear God’s Word was that victory, not defeat, was His will for His children, and to see what wonderful provision He had made! Later, during the days that followed, clearer light came. I did what I was asked to do—I quietly but definitely accepted Christ as my Saviour from the power of sin as I had so long before accepted Him as my Saviour from the penalty of sin. And on this I rested…
The first step I took in this new life was to stand on God’s own Word and not merely on man’s teaching or even on a personal experience. And as I studied especially the truth of God’s indwelling victory over sin, and God’s bountiful provision, the Word was fairly illuminated with new light.
(from chapter 10, Victory Found, How I Know God Answers Prayer)
If you would like to know more about victory over sin, I recommend reading:
The Life That Wins
Victory in Christ
Dead and Alive: Obedience and the New Man
I grieve to say that the new life in a foreign land with its trying climate, provoking servants, and altogether irritating conditions, seemed to have developed rather than subdued my natural disposition.
One day (I can never forget it), as I sat inside the house by a paper window at dusk, two Chinese Christian women sat down on the other side. They began talking about me, and (wrongly, no doubt) I listened. One said, “Yes, she is a hard worker, a zealous preacher, and—yes, she dearly loves us; but, oh, what a temper she has! If she would only live more as she preaches!”
Then followed a full and true delineation of my life and character. So true indeed was it, as to crush out all sense of annoyance and leave me humbled to the dust. I saw then how useless, how worse than useless, was it for me to come to China to preach Christ and not live Christ. But how could I live Christ? I knew some (including my dear husband) who had a peace and a power—yes, and a something I could not define—that I had not: and often I longed to know the secret.
Was it possible, with such a nature as mine, even to become patient and gentle?
Was it possible that I could ever really stop worrying?
Could I, in a word, ever hope to be able to live Christ as well as preach Him?
I knew I loved Christ; and again and again I had proved my willingness to give up all for His sake. But I knew, too, that one hot flash of tempter with the Chinese or with the children before the Chinese, would largely undo weeks, perhaps months, of self-sacrificing service.
The years that followed led often through the furnace. The Lord knew that nothing but fire could destroy the dross and subdue my stubborn will. Those years may be summed up on one line: “Fighting (not finding), following, keeping, struggling.” Yes, and failing! Sometimes in the depths of despair over these failures; then going on determined to do my best—and what a poor best it was!
In the year 1905, and later, as I witnessed the wonderful way the Lord was leading my husband and saw the Holy Spirit’s power in his life and message, I came to seek very definitely for the fullness of the Holy Spirit. It was a time of deep heart-searching. The heinousness of sin was revealed as never before. Many, many things had to be set right toward mand and God. I learned then what “paying the price” meant. Those were times of wonderful mountaintop experiences, and I came to honor the Holy Spirit and seek His power for the overcoming of sin in a new way. But Christ still remained, as before, distant, afar off, and I longed increasingly to know—to find Him. Although I had much more power over besetting sins, yet there were times of great darkness and defeat.
It was during one of these latter times that we were forced to return to Canada, in June 1916. My husband’s health prevented him from public speaking, and it seemed that this duty for us both was to fall on me. But I dreaded facing the home church without spiritual uplift—a fresh vision for myself. The Lord saw this heart hunger, and in His own glorious way He fulfilled literally the promise, “He satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness” (Ps. 107:9).
A spiritual conference was to be held the latter part of June at Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, and to this I was led. One day I went to the meeting rather against my inclination, for it was so lovely under the trees by the beautiful lake. The speaker was a stranger to me, but from almost the first his message gripped me—“Victory over Sin!” why, this was what I had fought for, had hungered for, all my life! Was it possible?
The speaker went on to describe very simply an ordinary Christian life experience—sometimes on the mountaintop, with visions of God; then again would come the sagging and dimming of vision, coldness, discouragement, and perhaps definite disobedience, and a time of downgrade experience. Then perhaps a sorrow, or even some special mercy would bring the wanderer back to his Lord.
The speaker asked for all those who felt this to be a picture of their experience to raise the hand. I was sitting in the front seat, and shame only kept me from raising my hand at once. But I did so want to get all God had for me, and I determined to be true; and after a struggle I raised my hand. Wondering if others were like myself, I ventured to glance back and saw many hands were raised, though the audience was composed almost entirely of Christian workers, ministers, and missionaries.
The leader went on to say that life which he had described was not the life God planned or wished for His children. He described the higher life of peace, rest in the Lord, of power and freedom from struggle, worry, care. As I listened I could scarcely believe it could be true, yet my whole soul was moved so that it was with the greatest difficulty I could control my emotion. I saw then, though dimly, that I was nearing the goal for which I had been aiming all my life.
Early the next morning…I went over carefully and prayerfully all the passages on the victorious life that were given in a little leaflet [The Life That Wins]. What a comfort and strength it was to see how clear God’s Word was that victory, not defeat, was His will for His children, and to see what wonderful provision He had made! Later, during the days that followed, clearer light came. I did what I was asked to do—I quietly but definitely accepted Christ as my Saviour from the power of sin as I had so long before accepted Him as my Saviour from the penalty of sin. And on this I rested…
The first step I took in this new life was to stand on God’s own Word and not merely on man’s teaching or even on a personal experience. And as I studied especially the truth of God’s indwelling victory over sin, and God’s bountiful provision, the Word was fairly illuminated with new light.
(from chapter 10, Victory Found, How I Know God Answers Prayer)
If you would like to know more about victory over sin, I recommend reading:
The Life That Wins
Victory in Christ
Dead and Alive: Obedience and the New Man
Comments