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Marriage Counseling, Part 2


Dear Friend,

This letter is long overdue. It has been in my head for months.

First, I think you know that I both love you and like you and respect you. If you do not know that, please take my word for it. You know that I am willing to be confronted without dissimulation.

In the many years we have known each other, I have assumed you were a Christian. I do not have to know absolutely (God knows those who are His). You have had an interest and an education in Christianity. Even if you were not, or are not, a Christian, this does not affect my love, like, or respect for you.

The last few times we have been together, you have assured me that any adultery was in the past and that you were ready to get right with the church and with your family and that you had repented toward God. You assured me that you loved your wife and your children and you were committed to them.

I recognize that Christians can (and sometimes do) sin repeatedly. I also understand that it is possible for Christians to lie to cover up repeated sins. However, there are sentences in the Bible that are definitive about a man’s moral state and his Christianity. Examples of these are found in 1 John 1-5 and Galatians 5.

“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other” (Gal. 5:19-26).

You may think that you know these chapters well. I encourage you to read them in the light of your life, past and present.

Which list in Galatians describes you the best: the first in verse 19, or the second in verse 22? If it is the first, then you are very likely not a Christian. Jesus Christ does a better job of saving than that.

There are other considerations. Are you dead to sin as in Romans 6? “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life” (Rom. 6:1-4).

Are you now a slave to God or still a slave to sin? “Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness” (Rom. 6:19).

You may think that by this standard there are not many Christians. This is the case. More and more “born-again Christians” are finding out that they have not been born again and are not Christians. How? Either 1) they cannot keep from sinning or 2) they will not keep from sinning.  If it is the first, they are not Christians. If it is the second, they are in great trouble as Christians.

Another consideration: For a long time (if your conversation is an evidence), you have been envious of others and coveting houses, land, cars, etc. I do not spend my time listening super critically, but these things would be hard to miss in your talk.

Consequently, you have been competitive for recognition soon (in fact, right now). You have wanted to be somebody for your sake, not for the sake of your family or the world.

These observations make me wonder whether you have passed from death to life. It is a much easier explanation to say that you are this way because it is your nature as a natural (that is, an unsaved) man, than it is to say that it is contrary to your nature as a spiritual man with much biblical knowledge and that you just choose to act like a natural man. If the latter is true, then the instruction in Ephesians 4:17 applies to you. “You must no longer live as the Gentiles do in the futility of their thinking.” It is more likely that you are a Gentile in that sense.

If you do not want to read these Scriptures, or if you do not understand them, then it is more evidence that you are a natural man.

If you are a natural man, then confessing sins will not change your nature. It is probably why things have not changed in the past when you confessed your sins.

Of course, I could be wrong and would be glad to admit it if you can establish to me that you can walk in the light. That would be established by actually walking in the light. I do not think you can.

If you are not a Christian (never have been) and really realize it, then church discipline does not apply. That is for people who call themselves Christians.

Sincerely, your friend,

Jim Wilson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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