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Me, Obey Him?


Dear Friend,

It has been several weeks since we have talked. In one of our more recent conversations, I promised you a letter. This is the beginning.

Recently, in the car, I listened to two cassette tapes by Elisabeth Elliot entitled Me, Obey Him? I was so impressed with Betty’s graciousness and her strength. Actually, much of her talks were readings from a book called Me? Obey Him?: The Obedient Wife and God's Way of Happiness and Blessing in the Home by a classmate of hers from Wheaton College, Elizabeth Rice Handford. It has been my position, but it is more difficult for a man and a husband to teach it. I ordered six sets of the tapes and two of the books to give away.

I have known for a long time your strong position on Scripture. Where you and I have differed has not been on the meaning of the text (any text) but on the application. In the teaching on these talks by Elisabeth Elliot, I am convinced that you will agree, and I hope you agree also on the application.

Now I will get back to something we have talked about several times. That is your expression of anger, either toward your husband or your children. Your explanations have not been satisfactory, even assuming that your view of his or the kids’ conduct or talk was exactly right and that some action had to be taken. From your own description of your angry responses, they sound like first or rage or loss of temper. Those are never in the category of “be ye angry and sin not” (Eph. 4:27). They are always sin. They are the reason some of your children are (or seem to be) against you. It is your husband’s main reason for not backing you up on your discipline. It is not that the kids do not need discipline; it is how you have done it in the past and how you continue to do it. I have heard your explanation many times, and it is not convincing. In fact, it is convincing in the opposite way.

I am well aware, and you know that I am well aware, that your husband’s conduct and decisions have not been right many times and your kids’ conduct would not be allowed or tolerated in our home. That conduct would not have happened, because they would have learned before they were two-year-olds. That is assuming that the parents’ conduct toward the children would have remained godly.

Your conduct has not remained godly. Although you have chosen not to see it, your strident voice, loss of temper, hysteria, and physical discipline of them while you are in this condition is prima facie evidence of an ungodly mother. The few times you told me that you were sorry about your temper, it seemed to be a horizontal sorrow, not repentance to the living God for an evil action. Most of the time, you said that your anger was righteous. As long as you insist on that position, your family is going to continue to react and go downhill. When the children get older and leave home, it will be difficult for them to give Christianity consideration.

Over the course of our conversation, I have listened to you prayerfully and carefully. And you have listened to me. For this I am grateful. However, there has not been a change anywhere close to what it should be based upon the hours we have spent agreeing on the Scripture. There is a lack of application.

Here is the result of my thinking on this.

1. “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt. 12:34). When you speak, it is the overflow from your heart. What you say and how you say it tells everyone that your heart is filled to overflowing with the same stuff that comes out your mouth. “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man bring evil things out of the evil stored up in him” (Matt. 12:35). Evil things have been coming out of your mouth for years. This tells me that you have had a lot of evil stored up in you. Venting it does not get rid of it.

2. “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:19-21). This list is then followed by a list of the fruit of the Spirit.

I think that you will admit that your life is better described by these verses just quoted than by the fruit of the Spirit. Certainly, those who live close to you on a daily basis will say that.

There is a limited number of possible reasons for this list describing you well.

1.     You are a Christian who can live a life of walking in the light (1 John 5:7), but you will not.

2.     You are a Christian who cannot (is unable to) live a life of walking in the light. This is hard for me to understand. Biblically, it does not seem to be one of the choices.

3.     You are not a Christian. You cannot live the life of walking in the light because you have never entered the light.

All of these are awful states. But you are in one of them.

1.     You are a Christian who will not.

2.     You are a Christian who cannot.

3.     You are not a Christian and consequently cannot.

I am unwilling to say that you will not. So it seems to be that you cannot. It is then you cannot as a Christian, or you cannot because you are not saved and never have been.

I have just reread the above. It would not sound so either/or if we were talking in person, but neither would it all get said.

This problem may in face be a “will not” situation because you have convinced yourself and have attempted to convince others that you have taken care of and have been delivered from your past. Since you are convinced, then it is difficult to admit wrong now. Certainly, you have the symptoms of someone who is not set free.

My common sense tells me that you might get very angry reading this letter. My common sense also tells me that if you do get angry, it would be further evidence that the probability that I am right is high.

Your friend,

Jim Wilson


https://elisabethelliot.org/resource-library/series-index/a-real-woman/

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