Skip to main content

When Politeness Is the Wrong Way to Go

 


Politeness, political correctness, and relational communication have something positive in common. They are attempts to use words to be friendly, to not cause offense, and to avoid confrontation. Aren’t these good things? Yes, they are. They are also surface attempts at kindness. They are mechanics. Teaching a little boy to say “Thank you” certainly makes things more pleasant, but it is not the same as teaching him thankfulness.

I was taught politeness as a boy. Then I was really taught it when I was a midshipman at the Naval Academy. I was trained to be an officer and a gentleman. I found out that politeness worked (standing when ladies came into the room, opening doors for them, etc). I discovered that these positive mechanics were not the outward expressions of the heart. They did not express kindness, love, or patience. In many cases they actually covered up unkindness, unlove, and impatience.

Isn’t covering up unkindness better than expressing it? I am tempted to say yes, but that is a temptation from the Enemy. Why should I choose the lesser of two evils when I have a clear command?

 "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Many years ago, after teaching an eight-week course of practical Christianity, I suspected that one of the students had not learned much. She came from a Christian home, had grown up in good churches and received a Christian education, including a degree from a famous Christian college.

For years I have listened to people’s awful stories in order to give them counsel. One day I realized that I was giving the same solution regardless of what the story was. All of the stories had two common causes:

  • It had been a long time since they had read all of the New Testament.
  • They had an awful, distorted, or truncated view of God. They had Satan’s caricature of Him.

I started asking people for their gut views of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I have gotten many awful answers.

I asked this young woman these questions. She had never read the New Testament through. She gave a surprisingly good answer about God the Father, but when I asked about Jesus, her answer was something like this: “Jesus was supposed to have died for our sins, but I don’t think He was very polite.”

Her answer shook me, and I did not know why. I already knew that Jesus was not very polite. Why did it bother me? This girl considered politeness the highest virtue. It was more important to her than anything else. If Jesus was not polite, that meant to her that He was not sinless and could not have died for our sins.

Since that time, I have sensed this same belief in many Christians. It colors their communication. They try to clean up the gospel so that there is no chance of anyone taking offense. And they think it is a virtue to do this! In reality, it is the enemy of truth.

"Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." (Ephesians 4:15)

We are to speak the truth in love. The Bible does not say to “speak the truth in politeness.” Politeness is not a synonym for truth. Politeness almost always leaves out the truth. Sometimes it inserts a lie.


This post coordinates with tomorrow's reading in the To the Word! Bible Reading Challenge. If you are not in a daily reading plan, please join us at TotheWord.com. We would love to have you reading with us.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Getting Old

This is a post for those who are getting old or considering themselves old, from 65-100. Right now, I am 91.* I will be 92 in October. I have my own house, but I cannot live in it alone because of my physical inability to move around. One of my sons lives with me. All of us will have to make some adjustments. That includes money, relatives, your own ability and willpower to stay independent, etc. My advice is if physically and financially you can live independently, you should certainly do that. If you do, you will still need to have visits from your family frequently. You need your family. Even if you don’t need them to take care of you, you need them for the fellowship. The more fellowship you have, the longer you’ll live. If you can stay independent do it, but only if friends and relatives can see you often. In my case, I can’t walk, and I can’t do much physically. So, whether I like it or not, someone else has to get me up, get me showered, and get me dressed. I am blessed to have
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Is Obedience So Hard?

There are several reasons why obedience seems hard. I will comment on some of them and then speak positively on how obedience is easy. We think: 1) Obedience is an infringement on freedom. Since we are free in Christ, and obedience is somehow contrary to that freedom, we conclude that obedience is not good. Yet we know it is good. Thus, we become confused about obedience and are not single-minded. 2) Obedience is works. We who have been justified by grace through faith are opposed to works; therefore, we are opposed to obedience. 3) We have tried to obey and have failed—frequently. Therefore, the only solution is to disobey and later confess to receive forgiveness. It is easier to be forgiven by grace than to obey by effort. 4) We confuse obedience to men with obedience to God. Although these are sometimes one and the same (see Romans 13, 1 Peter 2-3, Ephesians 5-6, Colossians 3, and Titus 2), sometimes they are not the same (see Colossians 2:20-23, Mark 7, 1 Timothy 4:1-5, a
5 comments
Read more

Constant Victory

I came across the following poem (prayer) and devotional in Amy Carmichael's book Edges of His Ways :   Before the winds that blow do cease, Teach me to dwell within thy calm; Before the pain has passed in peace, Give me, my God, to sing a psalm. Let me not lose the chance to prove The fulness of enabling love. O Love of God, do this for me; Maintain a constant victory.   Before I leave the desert land For meadows of immortal flowers, Lead me where streams at thy command Flow by the borders of the hours, That when the thirsty come I may Show them the fountains in the way. O love of God, do this for me; Maintain a constant victory.   "This prayer was written for the ill, and for the tired. It is so easy to fail when not feeling fit. As I thought of them, I also remembered those who, thank God, are not ill and yet can be hard-pressed. Sometimes in the midst of the rush of things, it seems impossible to be victorious, always to be peaceful,
Post a Comment
Read more