One of the good things I learned as an officer in the U.S. Navy was that authority and responsibility must go together in equal proportions. A person with authority but no responsibility will exercise that authority arbitrarily. He will order people around with no objective other than establishing his own power. Conversely, a person with responsibility for a task but no authority to help him accomplish it will only be frustrated.
Before
I apply this concept to Christian husbands, I want to discuss and hopefully
dissolve a common misconception. Because the Scripture tells wives, children,
and servants to obey, some Christians have inferred that it is the job of
husbands, fathers, and masters to command. This is an inference only and
is, therefore, invalid. The Bible contains no
direct teaching nor implication that husbands, fathers, and masters are to
be commanders. The Bible does not teach a chain of command. It teaches a chain
of obedience and submission. The
Bible teaches that servants are to be submissive to their masters, wives are to
be submissive to their husbands, and children are to submit to their parents.
The difficulty is that we have mistakenly assumed that if these people are to be submissive, then the husband, the father, the master, or the government is to be the boss. Not so! When God speaks to the people on the top, He never tells them to be the boss.
A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.” (Luke 22:24-27)
Now look at the commands specifically addressed to husbands:
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. (Col. 3:19)
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the
church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the
word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or
wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Eph. 5:25-27)
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet. 3:7).
There
is no commanding here—only sacrifice. Husbands are responsible to love
their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church, and for the same
reason—to make her beautiful. We are to love our wives in order to make them lovely, not because they are lovely. A woman needs love the most
when she is unlovely. It is the husband’s responsibility to give that love. The Bible teaches fathers and
masters to follow the same pattern of respect, consideration, and sacrifice.
The husband is the
head of the wife. That does not mean he is boss or dictator. It means he is the
example, the provider, the lover, the
means of security, and the source of wise, responsible decision-making. If this
does not describe you as a husband, find a husband who fits this description
and ask him for help.
Husbands
are responsible to protect and care for their wives, and, although the Bible’s
emphasis is on responsibility rather than authority, God has given husbands the
authority to carry out the responsibilities He has assigned to them. For
example, in Numbers 13, God gave them the authority to confirm or nullify vows
or rash promises made by their wives, even if the vows were made before
marriage. The chapter ends with these words: “These are the regulations the LORD gave Moses concerning relationships
between a man and his wife, and between a father and his young daughter still
living in his house” (Num. 30:16).
However, what tends
to happen is that the husband demands authority and, a lot of times, refuses
the responsibility that comes with it. The wife ends up with the responsibility
and no authority. This puts her in a hard position and may tempt her to reject
teaching that indicates that a wife needs to be submissive. Husbands must
fulfill the God-given responsibilities that come with their authority, or they
are setting their wives up for a hard time.
God made men incomplete, so He made women
to be their helpers. This incompleteness is apparent in men’s need for respect.
Every man needs respect, from the time he was born and for his entire life.
That is why God requires women to respect their husbands. Men want to have
authority and respect. This is not wrong. But responsibility comes with
authority, and many men have abdicated this responsibility. Authority without
responsibility makes men tyrants. If they pass the responsibility to their
wives but do not delegate the corresponding authority to them, those wives cannot carry out the responsibility that
their husbands will not.
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