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Unequally Yoked—Returning to Victorious Living, Part 1


by Bessie Wilson

“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God, as God has said, ‘I will live with them and walk among then, and I will be their God, and they will be My people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate,’ says the Lord. ‘Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty” (2 Cor. 6:14-18).

Although this text is speaking of uniting with unbelievers in idolatry, it can logically be applied to the subject of marriage as well. Paul is quoting the Old Testament which prohibits yoking an ox with a donkey. Being unequally yoked like this does harm to both animals. Paul gives five reasons for not being “in harness” together with an unbeliever, formulated as rhetorical questions. “For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” Paul doesn’t wait for an answer. He knows the Corinthians know the answer is nothing. “Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” None. “Or what harmony is there between Christ and Belial?” Belial is the form of a demon. “What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement is there between the temple of God and idols?” No agreement. It is disobedience to God to marry an unbeliever.

Not being united in your orientation to Christ is one of the major causes of marriage problems for believers. I know many Christians who are married to nonbelievers. There are two ways that happens. One is that a Christian marries a non-Christian. The other case is where someone becomes a Christian after they are married, and their spouse remains a non-Christian. In both cases, the difference puts a strain on the marriage. It is not fair to either person. However, 1 Corinthians tells us that if you are married to an unbeliever, you are not to leave them because of that. If the unbeliever wants to stay married to you, you are to stay married. The believer must not take the initiative to get divorced.

“I didn’t know it was wrong to marry an unbeliever. Nobody told me!” When Christians tell me this, my question to them is, “How could you miss it?” Through prayer and through reading the Word of God, how could you miss it? We cannot blame a sinful relationship on the books we have read or the ministers we listen to. It is not their fault we don’t know what God has said so clearly in His Word. From the beginning of the Scriptures to the end, God tells us that there is no fellowship between light and darkness. It is your responsibility to be in the Word on a regular basis and to know what God has to say to you there.

When women say, “Nobody told me it was wrong to marry him,” I feel like asking them, “Would you have listened?” Those who have said this to me were already so emotionally involved with the man in question that they almost couldn’t stop. They have already given their heart to him, and in the euphoria of emotion, they think that love conquers all, and they will be able to make it.

Whether you knowingly disobey or unknowingly disobey because you don’t know what the Scriptures say, it is disobedience to marry an unbeliever, and it puts you in a very sad situation. At the time of this writing, my daughter has just become engaged. She loves her fiancé, he loves her, they have God’s blessing on their union, and they are seeking to serve the Lord together. There is a great joy in their relationship, as there should be. Marriage should be the happiest state. There is nothing more grievous than when a strong Christian gets sucked away into a relationship with a non-Christian.

What causes that to happen? Here is something for single women to be especially aware of. The girls at Washington State University used to tell me, “You don’t know what it’s like to sit night after night in the dorm with no date! The Christian guys don’t date us because they know they have to be seriously considering marriage before we’ll think of dating them.” They feel left out, and it is a great temptation to accept an invite from a kind and attentive non-Christian man who shows an interest in them.

I was single until I was thirty-three, so I know the feeling of loneliness and how left out you can feel when you see other people happily getting married. But even back in those days, I was objective about it. Many of my friends got married, and there I was in my late twenties, and then my early thirties, an unclaimed blessing! Then I would visit those friends, and I would go away from their homes saying, “I am sure glad that is not my lot.” I saw that even when they were Christians, if it was not a marriage sanctioned and blessed by the Lord, it was a heavy scene. So I determined when I was still in my early twenties that I wanted God’s choice for a spouse. I would never consider marrying a non-Christian, but I also knew that I wasn’t smart enough to marry my own choice and have a happy marriage.

After some years, I thought, “Lord, don’t You have any really godly men left?” I was getting on in my twenties, and there were no good men in sight. Then came the time to leave for Japan where I was to be a missionary. On December 6, 1948, a cold, cold day in Edmonton, Alberta, I left on the long journey to Yokohama. All my Christian InterVarsity students came down to the train to see me off, and somebody made the bright remark of, “Now you’ll never get a man.” You’ll never find a single, godly man in post-war Japan.

I quipped something along the lines of, “Well, I haven’t done too well here.” What do you say to something like that? But I added this in faith: “If God has a man for me, He can bring him to me wherever I am.” That is exactly what God did—He landed Jim right on my doorstep! As I recall, I wasn’t too happy about it, because it was my week to do housekeeping, and we didn’t have enough food for guests, and I had to do some maneuvering. But God brought that man to me.

I feel sorry for the women who do not have faith in God to lead them and instead use their own wisdom to evaluate a man on his aims, his status, his professional ability, his church attendance, and so on.       

Where are the godly single men? My daughter had to go to Turkey to find hers. People told her that she would never get a man. She was holding out for a man like her father. She wanted nothing less than someone who had a love for the Lord like Jim and was obedient. That was what attracted her to Ararat.

(To be continued on Wednesday.)


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