Skip to main content

Fulfilling Your Wife’s Needs When You Don’t Want To


Dear John,

I have thought of you fairly frequently in the last few months. I have thought mostly of our telephone conversation. The conversation bothered me, and I have wanted to write to you for some time, but I also wanted my letter to be received by you—so I probably put it off for that reason—afraid that it wouldn’t be received.

I am thinking of the second letter of Peter where he writes, “Therefore I intend always to remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have” (2 Pet. 1:12). Certainly I believe that you have since long ago been established in the truth, and the things I share will be a reminder, not new thinking.

What concerned me in the telephone conversation was that you said that you had never needed anybody, and your wife needed to be needed. That’s probably pretty close to true. What isn’t true is that you don't need anybody. We all need each other. We are part of the Body of Christ, and the family is a very close part of the Body. And because of your upbringing, you became strong and independent—but that didn’t mean that you didn’t need someone. It just meant that you thought you didn’t need anyone. We need each other very much. Although you and I never see each other, I need you and you need me. And when you hurt, I hurt. We are part of the Body.

The second thing that concerned me was that you are very content to be there alone with your dog. One of the things that is true about dogs is that they are loyal regardless; they are faithful regardless how we treat them. They don’t talk back, they don’t complain; they are always loyal. People are not like that. Wives are not like that. Children are not like that. You know from your time in the military that people in the army aren’t like that. They have been taught in boot camp to say, “Yes, Sir.” My own children didn’t go through boot camp. My wife didn’t go through boot camp. No, there is something different about children and a wife. It is just not true with dogs or people in the Army. The relationship in the family is much more intimate. It needs a special other kind of treatment.

The next thing that bothered me was my very real knowledge of the Enemy. It will be very unusual if he doesn’t have a woman waiting in the wings for you since you have separated from your wife. Either you are so super unusual or the Enemy has lost his wisdom. She may already be there.

Back to the teaching that your wife needed to be needed. If that is a given, then you, as a loving husband, should have met her need. And you still can, and you still should. It may be contrary to what is normal to you, but it is your responsibility.

You thanked me for the talk on bitterness and said that you had listened to it and appreciated the thoughts but they just weren’t applicable. Maybe not. But when we were talking on the telephone, you weren’t rejoicing in the Lord, so something is wrong in your life, independent of what is going on in other people’s lives. There is no reason to let your joy be affected by other people’s sins. Nor should you count on your joy being fulfilled by your environment—quietness in the home and a dog. The Scripture tells us in Habakkuk 3:17-18 not to lose our joy when there is a bad year, and it tells us not to rejoice when good things are happening, as in Luke 10:17. Our joy is in our salvation. Our joy is in the Lord.

In much love,

Jim Wilson

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ripe for Harvest: Prepared to Give an Answer

As you read through the book of Acts, look at every conversion, and see what happened right before it: what was said, who said it. The situations are the same today.     A long time ago, my duty in the Officer’s Christian Fellowship was the east coast of the United States. I went to an officer’s office at Fort Lee, VA, and stayed overnight, then I went on to Norfolk and Fort Bragg.    Forty years later, I was no longer on the staff of OCF, but I had to go to Denver. While I was in Denver, I checked in at the OCF offices. There was the same Air Force officer I had met in Fort Lee, retired now, a colonel. I had stayed in his house when he was a first lieutenant. He asked me, “Do you know what happened when you stayed overnight?” I said, “No, I just remember staying in your home.” He said, “You led the next-door neighbor to Christ.” I had no memory of it.    Ten years after that, I was speaking at a banquet at the Hotel Salisbury, and who was th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why Is Obedience So Hard?

There are several reasons why obedience seems hard. I will comment on some of them and then speak positively on how obedience is easy. We think: 1) Obedience is an infringement on freedom. Since we are free in Christ, and obedience is somehow contrary to that freedom, we conclude that obedience is not good. Yet we know it is good. Thus, we become confused about obedience and are not single-minded. 2) Obedience is works. We who have been justified by grace through faith are opposed to works; therefore, we are opposed to obedience. 3) We have tried to obey and have failed—frequently. Therefore, the only solution is to disobey and later confess to receive forgiveness. It is easier to be forgiven by grace than to obey by effort. 4) We confuse obedience to men with obedience to God. Although these are sometimes one and the same (see Romans 13, 1 Peter 2-3, Ephesians 5-6, Colossians 3, and Titus 2), sometimes they are not the same (see Colossians 2:20-23, Mark 7, 1 Timothy 4:1-5, a...
7 comments
Read more

Joy

Here are five biblical passages on joy: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness” (Galatians 5:22). “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior” (Habakkuk 3:17-18). “The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17). “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you” (Psalms 51:12-13). “The seventy-two returned with joy and said, ‘Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.’ He replied, ‘I saw Satan fall like lightning from heaven. I have give...
Post a Comment
Read more