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Should You Avoid People Who Offend You?

I received this question from a reader of How to be Free From Bitterness. It may apply to some of you also: “I do have one question I hope you can answer that I don’t believe is addressed [in the booklet]. Generally speaking, should we continuously place ourselves in the company of those who repeatedly offend us?”

First, what kind of person are you? Do you take offense easily, even when the person has no intention to offend? Do you not take offense easily, even when the person wants to offend? (There are other combinations, too.)

If you are the first, then the solution lies with you, not the offender. The best way to keep from being hurt or offended is to stay vulnerable, like a pillow. Do not try to make yourself invulnerable by building a fence around yourself. That is the way to get hurt more. That way you become hard and later cynical. A fence is a passive means of resistance, which means there will be a collision, which means hurt.

If you are avoiding temptation by staying away from those who repeatedly offend you, it may mean you have to stay away from Christians, your church, and your relatives. Running away from a moral temptation, like Joseph did, is the right action. Running away from the saints, your husband, your wife, and your children is not right.

Jesus was vulnerable.
To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” (1 Pet. 2:21-24)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Col. 3:13)
A better way is to ask God for grace not to get offended and for grace to love the offender.

For more help escaping the trap of taking offense, Brad Scheelke, CCM's Utah evangelist, recommends the book The Bait of Satan by John Bevere.

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