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Dear Friend: Dealing with Offenses from Others

Dear P,

Here is what the Bible teaches on the subject. If person A offends person B, he either does it intentionally or accidentally. If the offense is intentional, he has sinned against God, because he is to love brothers, neighbors, and enemies. He must confess that sin to God and let person B know that he has sinned against God, he has confessed it, and God has forgiven him.

If person B takes offense, whether what person A did to offend him was intentional or not, person B is in sin. If he is a Christian, he is supposed to take this kind of treatment with joy.
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. (Luke 6:35)

Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (1 Pet. 2:18-21)

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matt. 5:11-12)
Even if we apply Matthew 18:15-35, the key verse is 35: "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

Giving to the offender does not mean giving to him having taken great offense. You are to go to restore the brother. If you go to him with an accusation, there is no way you will be reconciled. If you then take a brother who has taken offense on your behalf, the offender will not receive the correction. If you then take it to the church, and the church does not have forgiveness in its heart, reconciliation will not happen. The awful part of this scenario is the offended person thinks that he has taken biblical action.

“Seven times” and “seventy times” does not even suggest that the offender has confessed or apologized. No, the offended must have forgiveness in his heart whether or not the offender has repented.

There is a situation in Luke 17:3-4 where the offender sins against you seven times in one day, and each time he says he repents you are to forgive him from the heart. After he punches you in the nose three times, and says he repents, you might get suspicious that he is not really repentant. So you think, “Since he is not really repentant, I will not really forgive him.” You are not allowed to be the judge of his repentance. When you forgive him from your heart, you do not help him; you help yourself, because if you do not forgive from your heart, you are in big trouble with God.

If person C takes offense on behalf of his friend B, he himself is in sin, and he is not helping his friend B to be forgiving.

This is a short answer. Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32, and Matthew 6:12, 14-15 are more truths to consider on the subject. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col. 3:13).
In Christ,

Jim

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