Skip to main content

Dear Friend: Dealing with Offenses from Others

Dear P,

Here is what the Bible teaches on the subject. If person A offends person B, he either does it intentionally or accidentally. If the offense is intentional, he has sinned against God, because he is to love brothers, neighbors, and enemies. He must confess that sin to God and let person B know that he has sinned against God, he has confessed it, and God has forgiven him.

If person B takes offense, whether what person A did to offend him was intentional or not, person B is in sin. If he is a Christian, he is supposed to take this kind of treatment with joy.
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. (Luke 6:35)

Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. (1 Pet. 2:18-21)

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matt. 5:11-12)
Even if we apply Matthew 18:15-35, the key verse is 35: "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

Giving to the offender does not mean giving to him having taken great offense. You are to go to restore the brother. If you go to him with an accusation, there is no way you will be reconciled. If you then take a brother who has taken offense on your behalf, the offender will not receive the correction. If you then take it to the church, and the church does not have forgiveness in its heart, reconciliation will not happen. The awful part of this scenario is the offended person thinks that he has taken biblical action.

“Seven times” and “seventy times” does not even suggest that the offender has confessed or apologized. No, the offended must have forgiveness in his heart whether or not the offender has repented.

There is a situation in Luke 17:3-4 where the offender sins against you seven times in one day, and each time he says he repents you are to forgive him from the heart. After he punches you in the nose three times, and says he repents, you might get suspicious that he is not really repentant. So you think, “Since he is not really repentant, I will not really forgive him.” You are not allowed to be the judge of his repentance. When you forgive him from your heart, you do not help him; you help yourself, because if you do not forgive from your heart, you are in big trouble with God.

If person C takes offense on behalf of his friend B, he himself is in sin, and he is not helping his friend B to be forgiving.

This is a short answer. Colossians 3:13, Ephesians 4:32, and Matthew 6:12, 14-15 are more truths to consider on the subject. "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col. 3:13).
In Christ,

Jim

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Why Is Obedience So Hard?

There are several reasons why obedience seems hard. I will comment on some of them and then speak positively on how obedience is easy. We think: 1) Obedience is an infringement on freedom. Since we are free in Christ, and obedience is somehow contrary to that freedom, we conclude that obedience is not good. Yet we know it is good. Thus, we become confused about obedience and are not single-minded. 2) Obedience is works. We who have been justified by grace through faith are opposed to works; therefore, we are opposed to obedience. 3) We have tried to obey and have failed—frequently. Therefore, the only solution is to disobey and later confess to receive forgiveness. It is easier to be forgiven by grace than to obey by effort. 4) We confuse obedience to men with obedience to God. Although these are sometimes one and the same (see Romans 13, 1 Peter 2-3, Ephesians 5-6, Colossians 3, and Titus 2), sometimes they are not the same (see Colossians 2:20-23, Mark 7, 1 Timothy 4:1-5, a

Lifted Up

In the first thirteen verses of John 3, Nicodemus did not understand what Jesus was talking about. It was nonsense to him. When Jesus said verse fourteen to him, Nicodemus finally understood Jesus. Here it is: “Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up…” (John 3:14). The reason it made sense to Nicodemus was because he knew of the event that Jesus spoke of. People who had been bitten by a serpent could look at the bronze snake and did not die. Nicodemus knew the Bible story.   Here it is: “Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died. The people came to Moses and said, ‘We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us.’ So Moses prayed for the people. The LORD said to Moses, ‘Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live.’ So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyo

Getting Old

This is a post for those who are getting old or considering themselves old, from 65-100. Right now, I am 91.* I will be 92 in October. I have my own house, but I cannot live in it alone because of my physical inability to move around. One of my sons lives with me. All of us will have to make some adjustments. That includes money, relatives, your own ability and willpower to stay independent, etc. My advice is if physically and financially you can live independently, you should certainly do that. If you do, you will still need to have visits from your family frequently. You need your family. Even if you don’t need them to take care of you, you need them for the fellowship. The more fellowship you have, the longer you’ll live. If you can stay independent do it, but only if friends and relatives can see you often. In my case, I can’t walk, and I can’t do much physically. So, whether I like it or not, someone else has to get me up, get me showered, and get me dressed. I am blessed to have