Dear Friend: A Man Who Doesn't Love His Wife

Dear M,

First, the husband. What kind of ministry is he in: evangelism, discipleship, or on a church staff? Are his children grown? Are they walking in the light? Is his wife in ministry? Are his family rejoicing in the LORD? Is his ministry how he makes his living? I am assuming that his ministry is not effective.

A woman needs four basic things: 1) much love, 2) much security, 3) much protection, and 4) much provision. When a woman is unlovely, that is when she needs love the most. Christ loved the church to make it lovely to present it to Himself. The husband is to love his wife to make her lovely. If he only loves her because she is lovely, he has it backwards.

Has he been expressive in love to his children?

If he thinks he cannot love her, and if that is true, then he is not a Christian and never has been. The other alternative is that he is a Christian and chooses not to love her. In the first case, he is not saved and therefore cannot love her. In the second case, he is saved and will not. These two options should be brought to his attention.

You know he is not qualified to be in the ministry as long as he is not loving his wife. You should suggest to him that he is not even saved. That will shake him up. Tell him that you are open to believing that he is saved, but you will have to see evidence of that in his life first. You will need to see it with no hypocrisy, covering up, passing the buck, or lying on his part.

Do not apologize if he takes offense at this. Giving offense might be sin, but taking offense is always sin.

You can do this kindly. He might not receive it kindly. If he does not receive it, that tells you that you are on target.

In the Lord Jesus Christ,

Jim Wilson

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