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Raising Children: Setting Priorities

Dear S,

The best spiritual and physical security for your children is for them to know that you both are very close, that you love each other and respect each other.

The children should never hear, firsthand or secondhand, any differences between you: no arguing in their presence. You may have differences, but they should be unaware of them.

All teaching from the Scripture to the children should be backed up in the life of their parents. “Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did” (1 John 2:6).

It appears to me that you have been very diligent in doing what you think is right. However, you are more of a “doer” than you are a “be-er”. Because of this, some of the “right” things you do come out of the wrong kind of “being,” and consequently some of the “right” things you do turn out to be wrong. Because your “being” is not holy, some of the things you do and say are not holy. “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45).

Somewhere along the line, you both have lost the joy of your salvation and the rest of the fruit of the Spirit. What others have done or said in the past have been temptations to you to be hurt. This taking offense is sin. If the offense is for righteousness, then it is a cause for joy. The fruit of the Spirit is not dependent on your environment, your situation, your atmosphere. It is dependent only on your close fellowship with God. This joy is maintained by the following:
Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. (Eph. 5:18-21)

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all... But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin... If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:5, 7, 9)

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins. (2 Pet. 1:3-9)
I suspect that there are things of great importance to both of you in raising your children. I request that you make a list of things in order of importance and give them to a mature, Christian couple you trust along with a biblical basis for the priorities you have chosen. Here is a suggested list of things to get you started:

• Schooling
• Food
• Drink
• Discipline
• Theology
• Morals
• Family (His, Hers, Yours)
• Bible
• Money
• Attitudes
• Actions
• Husband/wife relationships
• Parents & children
• Church

Do your priorities agree?

Sometimes our priorities can be upside down, and we do not realize it.

I suggest these only because on some of these you differ with each other. There may be others you can add. It is OK to have an emotional bias as long as you recognize that you have it and that the bias does not have the same weight of authority as the Bible.

With love in Christ,

Jim

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