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Dear Friend: Reconciling with Those Who Have Sinned Against You

Dear D,

Yes, reconciliation must be made.
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. (Matt. 5:23-24)

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. (Matt. 18:15)

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matt. 6:12-15)

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. (Gal. 6:1)
What is absent from these texts is apology. What is present is forgiveness from the heart, even if there is no repentance or apology (seven times in one day and seventy-seven times). We make restitution if we are guilty. We do not demand restitution or apology if the other person is guilty.

In Matthew 18:15, we show him his fault for his good, not for ours. In Galatians 6:1, we show him his fault to restore him. I do not show him his fault because he sinned against me. If I did it that way, I would guarantee there would be no reconciliation. I would be accusing him, not forgiving him.

With love and respect,

Jim Wilson

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