Roots by the River

Love from a husband does not always need to end up in sex. If a wife is not up to it at a particular time, she may get suspicious any time her husband becomes affectionate. She may even become cynical about expressions of love. A wise husband needs to learn many ways to express love to his wife besides sex. Learn all kinds of giving ways to show love that go beyond saying, “I love you,” and giving her flowers and hugs and kisses (although those are very good ways to start, and you should certainly be doing all these things). Think of things you don’t do that you should start doing. I have learned over fifty years of marriage to pick up stuff that I didn’t pick up for years. My socks! Could be that. There were things around the house that I knew would get put away or taken care of by my wife, and I could ignore them and go on my merry way. She was healthy and had nothing else to do at home. She could do it! I don’t know why I ever even thought this way. Do you want to show love to y...

  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Pet. 3:7 KJV)   Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet. 3:7 NIV) The word that the King James Version renders as “honor” is translated “respect” in the NIV. The key to the definition is in the context. “Husbands, in the same way… ” What way? 1 Peter 3:1 reads, “Wives, in the same way… ” What way? Look back at 1 Peter 2: “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to you...

When I got married, it never occurred to me that I didn’t love my wife as Christ loved the church. At the time, I was a naval officer, and I was in the Korean War. My first ship struck an underwater mine, and my second ship was hit by gunfire. I was willing to die for my country, or I wouldn’t have been there. I was also willing to die for my wife—and I assumed that meant I was obeying the command to love her as Christ loved the church. I figured Bessie had the harder job; she had to submit. It was easy for me to love Bessie, but hard for her to submit to me: she had been a Christian for sixteen years, I had been a Christian for only three; she was a Bible school graduate, I was a Naval Academy graduate; when we met, she was the principal of a Bible school in Yokohama, and I was a naval officer; and she was eight and a half years older than I was. After we were married, we came to the States for a while, and then I was sent to sea again. Our first two children were born in Californ...

Loving the Unlovely “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” (Matt. 5:43-47). There is nothing particularly Christian about loving lovely people. To explain this, Jesus chose a class of people despised by the Jews ¾ tax collectors ¾ and said, “Even they love like that.” God created everyone, including the worst criminals, with this kind of friendship love. Only Christians can love the unlovely. This is how you show your Christianity. If you have only loved lovely people, you are being disobedient. Although this kind of love is central to Christian behavior, it only comes through obedience. Scriptural love is always volitional. You have to choose to do it. Do not wait to fall in love with your enemy. It will never happen. I became a Christian during my second year at the Naval Academy . Suddenly, I loved my roommate,...

Christlike Love   “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them” (Luke 6:32). Many Christians love those who love them and think that they are showing the love of Christ by doing that. However, that kind of love is part of human nature; it is common to everyone. There is a love that only Christians have. It comes from the Lord. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Jesus’ love for us had nothing to do with our love or our loveliness. It had to do with His loving nature and our need. When we share this kind of love with others, it cannot be based on their love or loveliness. Love is Patient “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Eph. 5:1-2). To live a life of love, you must know what love is and how Jesus ex...

Love Deeply “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8).    Love does not overlook sin. Love sees sin, then covers it—in this case, covers lots of it. We know that God’s love is like this, but is ours? The command is directed towards us.   “You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19). Deep love provides deep cover. Deep love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). It forgives others, regardless of the magnitude or quantity of sins. It banishes sins for good. It does not remember them so that it can bring them up later. However, we are not to cover our own sins: “ He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Prov. 28:13). Discerning Love “We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know somet...

God tells husbands to love their wives. How are we to do that, and what does that love look like? Love Her as Your Neighbor “Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself”’” (Matt. 22:37-39). “Yourself” is someone you already greatly love, and therefore is a good standard for how to love someone else. For a start, calculate how much time you spend thinking about yourself on an average day. Second, list all the things you do for yourself, including bathing, eating, sleeping, and studying. Third, admit that these things are expressions of love for yourself. Fourth, admit that you do not love your neighbor (even your best friend) this much. Fifth, admit that that is a violation of God’s command and needs His forgiveness. Turn to Him for forgiveness. This will not make you loving, but it will make you clean . From that posi...