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As Christ Loved the Church, Part 3: Giving Love


Love from a husband does not always need to end up in sex. If a wife is not up to it at a particular time, she may get suspicious any time her husband becomes affectionate. She may even become cynical about expressions of love. A wise husband needs to learn many ways to express love to his wife besides sex.

Learn all kinds of giving ways to show love that go beyond saying, “I love you,” and giving her flowers and hugs and kisses (although those are very good ways to start, and you should certainly be doing all these things). Think of things you don’t do that you should start doing. I have learned over fifty years of marriage to pick up stuff that I didn’t pick up for years. My socks! Could be that. There were things around the house that I knew would get put away or taken care of by my wife, and I could ignore them and go on my merry way. She was healthy and had nothing else to do at home. She could do it! I don’t know why I ever even thought this way. Do you want to show love to your wife? Pick up your socks. Take out the trash. Put the toilet seat down. Wipe the bathroom counter after you shave. Fix that broken thing you’ve been ignoring. If you put your mind to it, you can probably think of many practical ways to show love to your wife.

Look around. Stop and assess: what are some things you could do at home that would bless your wife? Bessie had trouble with her back off and on for years. One time, we went to a doctor in Spokane, and he asked, “What size bed do you have?”

“Queen size,” she told him.

“Do you make the bed?”

“Yes.”

“That’s your problem. Reaching over the queen-size bed as you’re making it is hurting your back.”

“Ok, that’s solved,” I said. “I’ll make the bed.” I have been making the bed every morning for many years now. Making beds is not high on my own priority list, but “whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord, knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of your inheritance” (Col 3:23-24). It is an act of love to Bessie.

There are many little things like this that you can do for your wife. Give to her for her sake. Do things out of consideration and thoughtfulness for her that do not have an immediate payback to you.

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