Roots by the River

by Bessie Wilson If you came to Christ after your marriage, there is hope for your spouse. There is a lot of hope. I have seen unbelieving spouses come to the Lord time and time again through living with a believer. When a woman comes to Christ after she is married, and she has a non-Christian husband, normally it isn’t long before she’s able to win him, because the change in her is so attractive. Quite a few years ago, following the cultural revolution in China, Chinese graduate students began to come to the U.S. to study. Jim and I got to know quite a few of them, and we held English classes for them in our home. After a while, they knew enough English that they didn’t come around anymore. A year or so later, one of these young men called Jim. He said, “My wife is just arrived from Shanghai. I’d like you to teach her English, but I want you to teach her English from the Bible.” We had not done this with the others. “Why from the Bible?” Jim asked him. “She’s a Christian,” h...

by Bessie Wilson “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God, as God has said, ‘I will live with them and walk among then, and I will be their God, and they will be My people. Therefore, come out from them and be separate,’ says the Lord. ‘Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you will be My sons and daughters,’ says the Lord Almighty” (2 Cor. 6:14-18). Although this text is speaking of uniting with unbelievers in idolatry, it can logically be applied to the subject of marriage as well. Paul is quoting the Old Testament which prohibits yoking an ox with a donkey. Being unequally yoked like this does harm to both animals. Paul gives five ...

Love from a husband does not always need to end up in sex. If a wife is not up to it at a particular time, she may get suspicious any time her husband becomes affectionate. She may even become cynical about expressions of love. A wise husband needs to learn many ways to express love to his wife besides sex. Learn all kinds of giving ways to show love that go beyond saying, “I love you,” and giving her flowers and hugs and kisses (although those are very good ways to start, and you should certainly be doing all these things). Think of things you don’t do that you should start doing. I have learned over fifty years of marriage to pick up stuff that I didn’t pick up for years. My socks! Could be that. There were things around the house that I knew would get put away or taken care of by my wife, and I could ignore them and go on my merry way. She was healthy and had nothing else to do at home. She could do it! I don’t know why I ever even thought this way. Do you want to show love to y...

  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Pet. 3:7 KJV)   Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Pet. 3:7 NIV) The word that the King James Version renders as “honor” is translated “respect” in the NIV. The key to the definition is in the context. “Husbands, in the same way… ” What way? 1 Peter 3:1 reads, “Wives, in the same way… ” What way? Look back at 1 Peter 2: “Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to you...

When I got married, it never occurred to me that I didn’t love my wife as Christ loved the church. At the time, I was a naval officer, and I was in the Korean War. My first ship struck an underwater mine, and my second ship was hit by gunfire. I was willing to die for my country, or I wouldn’t have been there. I was also willing to die for my wife—and I assumed that meant I was obeying the command to love her as Christ loved the church. I figured Bessie had the harder job; she had to submit. It was easy for me to love Bessie, but hard for her to submit to me: she had been a Christian for sixteen years, I had been a Christian for only three; she was a Bible school graduate, I was a Naval Academy graduate; when we met, she was the principal of a Bible school in Yokohama, and I was a naval officer; and she was eight and a half years older than I was. After we were married, we came to the States for a while, and then I was sent to sea again. Our first two children were born in Californ...

Loving the Unlovely “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” (Matt. 5:43-47). There is nothing particularly Christian about loving lovely people. To explain this, Jesus chose a class of people despised by the Jews ¾ tax collectors ¾ and said, “Even they love like that.” God created everyone, including the worst criminals, with this kind of friendship love. Only Christians can love the unlovely. This is how you show your Christianity. If you have only loved lovely people, you are being disobedient. Although this kind of love is central to Christian behavior, it only comes through obedience. Scriptural love is always volitional. You have to choose to do it. Do not wait to fall in love with your enemy. It will never happen. I became a Christian during my second year at the Naval Academy . Suddenly, I loved my roommate,...

Christlike Love   “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them” (Luke 6:32). Many Christians love those who love them and think that they are showing the love of Christ by doing that. However, that kind of love is part of human nature; it is common to everyone. There is a love that only Christians have. It comes from the Lord. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8). Jesus’ love for us had nothing to do with our love or our loveliness. It had to do with His loving nature and our need. When we share this kind of love with others, it cannot be based on their love or loveliness. Love is Patient “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Eph. 5:1-2). To live a life of love, you must know what love is and how Jesus ex...

Love Deeply “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8).    Love does not overlook sin. Love sees sin, then covers it—in this case, covers lots of it. We know that God’s love is like this, but is ours? The command is directed towards us.   “You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19). Deep love provides deep cover. Deep love keeps no record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13:5). It forgives others, regardless of the magnitude or quantity of sins. It banishes sins for good. It does not remember them so that it can bring them up later. However, we are not to cover our own sins: “ He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Prov. 28:13). Discerning Love “We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Those who think they know somet...

God tells husbands to love their wives. How are we to do that, and what does that love look like? Love Her as Your Neighbor “Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself”’” (Matt. 22:37-39). “Yourself” is someone you already greatly love, and therefore is a good standard for how to love someone else. For a start, calculate how much time you spend thinking about yourself on an average day. Second, list all the things you do for yourself, including bathing, eating, sleeping, and studying. Third, admit that these things are expressions of love for yourself. Fourth, admit that you do not love your neighbor (even your best friend) this much. Fifth, admit that that is a violation of God’s command and needs His forgiveness. Turn to Him for forgiveness. This will not make you loving, but it will make you clean . From that posi...

One of the good things I learned as an officer in the U.S. Navy was that authority and responsibility must go together in equal proportions. A person with authority but no responsibility will exercise that authority arbitrarily. He will order people around with no objective other than establishing his own power. Conversely, a person with responsibility for a task but no authority to help him accomplish it will only be frustrated. Before I apply this concept to Christian husbands, I want to discuss and hopefully dissolve a common misconception. Because the Scripture tells wives, children, and servants to obey, some Christians have inferred that it is the job of husbands, fathers, and masters to command . This is an inference only and is, therefore, invalid. The Bible contains no direct teaching nor implication that husbands, fathers, and masters are to be commanders. The Bible does not teach a chain of command. It teaches a chain of obedience and submission . The Bible teaches that s...

“ But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves , lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people” (2 Timothy 3:1-5). A young woman told me once that she loved herself and that was a good thing. She did not like it for the Bible to have it listed as a bad thing. How can we tell it is a bad thing? The other words in the list from 2 Timothy are characteristics of loving yourself. They are subsets of loving yourself. Let’s look at them. Lovers of money – loving yourself Boastful – loving yourself Proud – loving yourself Abusive – certainly not loving your neighbor as yourself Disobedient to parents – loving ...

In his first letter to Timothy, Paul tells him to flee and pursue . In his second letter, he says the same: flee and pursue. Let’s take a look at these letters: “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, and gentleness” (1 Tim. 6:10-11). “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22). It is very simple: we are to run away from love of and eagerness for money and the evil desires of youth. We are to run after righteousness, godliness, faith, endurance, love, gentleness, and peace. In both cases, fleeing and pursuing , we are running in the same direction. This post coordinates with today's reading in the To the Word! Bible Reading Challenge . If you are not...

Men and women are made different in order to complement each other, not to offend each other. We are attracted by the differences between us, and yet we don’t understand the differences. Singing in harmony is harder to do than singing in unison, but it is beautiful. What often happens is spouses give up and try to sing in unison—usually by the man making the woman bend to him. A woman wants a sexual relationship where her partner is tender and gentle. The man is looking for a sexual partner who is as instantaneously responsive as he is. This is where homosexual relationships come from; they have abandoned all attempts at successful harmony. God made us different because He wants us to be complementary , not identical. When we find a difference, instead of griping about it, say, “I am the complement to that difference.” God made these differences, and He wants them to be there. He wants that harmony. He is in the business of enabling real men and real women to work together and liv...

Another difference between men and women is the view of the relationship itself. Man was not created for woman, but woman for man (1 Cor. 11:9). The husband’s attitude toward the wife is not the same as her attitude toward him, and it cannot and should not be. She was created for him. Her focus is on him. He was not created for her. The man’s focus is on the goal, and the woman comes in to aid him in that. She is not the focus; she is a support and helper for the focus. Courtship is done on the woman’s terms, where everything is relationship-centered. The man’s goal is to establish a marriage relationship with her, so for the time being their focuses are aligned. Then they get married, and the husband gets on with his life. Now he doesn’t want to sit and talk to her all the time. Courtship is an unreal world; we can’t live like that forever. That’s why romance novels are so popular; women are trying to live all of life in the courtship stage. Men are not built to be that way forever...

In Elihu’s final comments to Job in Job 37, there must have been a storm brewing. It must have been a great one like some many of us have experienced on the Great Plains. It is exciting reading. Elihu said, “At this my heart pounds and leaps from its place.” As soon as Elihu finished speaking, “the Lord answered Job out of the storm.” Elihu had a very good view of God. Because many of us have identified with Job, it might profit us to read Elihu’s comments in Job 32-37. This post coordinates with today's reading in the To the Word! Bible Reading Challenge . If you are not in a daily reading plan, please join us at TotheWord.com . We would love to have you reading with us.

Women are much more sexual than men. For men, sexuality is reduced to sex itself. The feminine conception of sex is the big picture, past when the kid graduates from college. The male conception is not the big picture at all. Civilization depends on the men submitting their sexual cycle to the woman’s. If women submitted their sexuality to the men’s, we would have a world full of nothing but pirates and biker gangs. Men must submit to their wives in this respect if there is to be any kind of stability at all. It is only when men submit this way that the family becomes possible. If the man removes himself, you no longer have a family the way God designed. Men who sleep around have a problem controlling their sexual desires. Women who are promiscuous are not in it for the sex; they are in it for the security, and they are using the only commodity they have that can get men to pay attention. Promiscuous women are lonely, frightened women. Promiscuous men have trouble with self-control. ...