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Dear Friend: Dealing with Offenses from Others

I do not remember what I said in the talk, but I will volunteer what I think the Bible teaches.

If person A offends person B, he either does it intentionally or accidentally. If it is intentional, he has sinned against God because he is to love brothers, neighbors, and enemies. He must confess his sin to God and let person B know that he has sinned against God, he has confessed it, and God has forgiven him. If person B takes offense, whether it was intentional or not, he is in sin. If he is a Christian, he is supposed to take this treatment with joy (Luke 6:35, 1 Peter 2:18-21, Matthew 5:11-12).

Even if we apply Matthew 18:15-35, the key verse is 35: "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

Giving to the offender alone does not mean giving to him, having taken great offense. He is to go to restore the brother. If you go to him with an accusation, there is no way you will be reconciled. If you take a brother who has taken offense on your behalf, the offender will not receive the correction. If you then take it to the church, and the church does not have forgiveness in its heart, reconciliation will not happen. The awful part of this scenario is the offended person thinks that he has taken biblical action.

Forgiving “seven times” and “seventy times seven” does not even suggest that the offender has confessed or apologized. No, the offended must have forgiveness in his heart whether or not the offender has repented.

There is a situation in Luke 17:3-4 where the offender sins against you seven times in one day, and each time he says he repents, you are to forgive him from the heart. After he punches you in the nose three times and says he repents, you might get suspicious that he is not really repentant, so you think, “Since he is not really repentant, I will not really forgive him.” You may not be the judge of his repentance. When you forgive him from your heart, you do not help him; you only help yourself because if you do not forgive from your heart, you are in big trouble with God.

If person C to takes offense on behalf of his friend B, he himself is in sin, and he is not helping his friend B to be forgiving.

This is short. Here are more truths on the subject:
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. (Col. 3:13)

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors... For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matt. 6:12, 14-15)
In Christ,

Jim

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