Next, men and women have different needs. Women need to be affirmed regularly. They need repeated expressions of love. A man might be tempted to say, “I told you I loved you when we got married. Didn’t you think I meant it?” To a woman, the words “I love you” are not just information—they are food. And women need this food on a regular basis. Women also need communication, much more than men do, and what they often want to talk about is the relationship. “How are we doing?” Women need communication like men need sex.
Women also need security. God created men to take responsibility; He created women to want to be protected and made secure. One of the reasons I was strongly attracted to Bessie was that she was so independent. She was the principal of a Bible school in Japan, and through a Japanese contractor she had designed and constructed a dormitory for women. She seemed very stable and self-reliant. I said, “That’s the kind of woman I want. I do not want a wife who’s going to fall apart when I’m at sea for six months at a time and be clinging to me and weeping every time I have to leave again. I want somebody who can stand alone.” And Bessie could.
However, while I was saying, “Oh boy, an independent woman!”
Bessie was thinking, “Oh boy, no more independence!” She wanted to be taken
care of. Women need to be secure, protected, and loved, so they are free to
build the nest, take care of the home, and have children. They want to be
secure in the knowledge that the husband is protecting and providing. Men have
a tendency to not want that responsibility. Man’s temptation is to stay a
little boy in a man’s body, and just change the size and expense of his toys.
That makes a woman insecure. She will be tempted to get a job, not because she
wants to get away from home, but because she must have security, even if she
has to make it herself.
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